December 3, 2009

I am sitting at my old desk right now. I got my job back. It was just as easy as I thought. All I did was walk into the center and walk right up to my supervisors desk. He turned around as I approached and looked up at me with a lack of recognition in his eyes. It took almost five minutes of convincing to make him believe I was the same guy I was weeks back. He was shocked at my transformation.

I made up some excuse about a disease suddenly surfacing after laying dormant in my body my entire life. I told him that it caused the rapid weight loss, the pale skin and, basically, an allergy to the sun. Obviously this would not have worked if I hadn't persuaded him with my eyes. I also convinced him that I was an excellent employee and that I deserved a pay raise to go along with my re-hiring. Not very honest, but I might as well get something out of this deal. After all, I still had to pay rent.

So now, here I am...all powerful, but not powerful enough to get out of the tech support racket. And I had also quickly learned that my powers of persuasion only worked with eye contact. However, my voice did seem to calm the most angry of customers.

I have about 3 hours of work left, which is a good thing, because I am famished. I didn't think that it would be a good idea to come back to work with blood dripping from my lips.

One interesting thing about working the new shift is that I get to pass Scott Green in the hall as he leaves for the day. After not seeing him for weeks, I had this image in my mind of him being a sex god, the most beautiful thing on the planet. But with my "new eyes" I now saw him as merely passable. His eyes were spaced strangely and he had much worse skin than I had originally thought. I could see every little blemish and bump from 10 feet away. And as he walked, I saw small flecks of dandruff falling from his hair. And what was even worse was the smell of his breath as I passed by him. He smiled at me as we passed (crooked teeth with pepper wedged between) and I smelled tuna fish and soured milk. For one moment, I almost wished that I had my human eyes back.

Well, my break is up so I am going back to work. Will see you tomorrow or next day!

-Mike