December 1, 2009

I apologize for not writing for a few days. I seem to be going through some weird transformation process. After first learning of what I was, I was terrified. Then excited. And then, a couple of days ago, I began feeling an odd sense of depression. I don't think it really hit me until the day after Thanksgiving.

My mother called to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. I talked to her for a few minutes, discussing how everyone in the family was doing, the apparantly delicious meal she prepared, and my sister's pregnancy. After I hung up the phone, I sat down at the table with Dustin. He had prepared a Thanksgiving feast, which I unfortunately HAD to decline. As he ate his meal, I talked about my family and reminisced about holidays past.

And thats when the depression started. I really missed them. But there was no simple way to explain the lack of appetite (for regular food anyways) and the aversion to daytime. I realized then that I may never see them again. And they would never know that I hadn't abandoned them or run off with some rich millionaire without ever contacting them.

I don't want to hurt them and yet I know that I cannot tell this secret to them. My mother would say I was posessed by the devil and my nephews would not be allowed near me anymore. I loved my family and that connection had not been lost with my "death."

Early that morning I made the decision to test this curse. I wandered out in the minutes before the sun emerged from the horizon. I stalked a small brown bunny into the woods behind my apartment. I quickly drained it and then another...and another. I soon had three carcasses next to me. I felt a surge of energy and walked out of the woods and sat on my patio to await the sun.

For some reason, I thought that if I could fill myself with blood then maybe my body would regenerate so quickly that I would not be burnt by the sun. I sat in wait patiently. I saw my neighbor leave for work. I saw the sprinklers come on at the driving range across the street. I heard the morning news issuing forth from every tv screen in my building.

And then I saw the sun. I could feel a tingle on my skin. Not too bad, I thought. The sun rose higher. My skin had a slight burning sensation. I can handle this, I said to myself. But then the pain grew intense. I looked down at my arms to see that the skin had started to turn brown and dry. Then as the pain began to become unbearable I saw my skin begin to turn black and flake off. It was like watching a piece of paper being burnt with a lighter from underneath. The burnt flakes began floating away from my body.

With every ounce of strength I could muster, I ran toward the door to my apartment. I burst in and fled for the darkness of my room. I collapsed onto the bed and passed out.

The next night I awoke to find that my skin, while still slightly discolored had mostly healed. I knew right then and there that I would never see them in the light of day. And it was right then and there that I was determined to make sure that, even if at night, I could see them again. I knew I couldn't bear eternity without saying goodbye.