November 22, 2009

The realization and confession of my new state of being went over pretty well all things considered. My two best friends tried repeatedly to sway from my certainty. Using arguments such as "its not possible" and "there has to be another explanation." I knew better.

Dustin and Cheryl stayed up throughout the night with me. We discussed the pros and cons of my situation. Here is what we came up with:

PROS
-Much better bod.
-Increased strength and stamina (we tested this with push ups. I did 1000 without breaking a sweat or getting tired. I also did all of them in 5 minutes).
-Vampires are sexy right now (those Twilight books and movies have done wonders for the vampire image).
-Most likely I will develop skills such as persuasion and hypnosis.
-Senses are much sharper.
-Likelihood of being injured is close to nil.
-I will save on groceries and restaurants.
-I will live forever.

CONS
-No sunny afternoons at the beach.
-Getting a real job will be a lot harder.
-Constant urge to kill people and drink their blood.
-Disgusting diet (no more key lime pie!?!?!?).
-Seeing my family will be difficult (explaining is not an option).
-I will live FOREVER.

As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons. So I guess overall, I am handling this pretty well.

Earlier tonight, I went outside for the first time. It was like stepping into a brand new world. Everything smelled stronger. My vision was sharper. The slightest breeze was like a million fingers caressing my cheeks. Everything was beautiful and took on a life of its own. I could see the hills and valleys of the moon. I could just barely make out the faces of airplane passengers in the windows as the planes passed across the night sky.

There was one thing that almost proved too much for me. Everything was so alive. I could smell the blood in a tiny white bunny as it hopped across the apartment complex playground. I could smell people from outside the walls of their apartments. It was intoxicating and nauseating all at once.

Finally, Dustin got me into the car and we drove down the street to the shopping center. I was wearing some of Dustin's clothes. They were ill-fitting and hung off me like a tent. We had to get me some new clothes. It was exhilarating buying clothes in smalls and mediums. We had only a few minutes as it was nearing closing. We grabbed basics: jeans, plain tee shirts, dress shirts, slacks, underwear. I even had to get new shoes in one size smaller. I didn't even realize until I was paying that most of the clothes were black.

We piled back in the car and drove to a 24 hour Wal Mart. I filled the cart with pounds upon pounds of meat: steaks, ground beef, chicken, turkey. Pretty much anything with blood in the packaging was fair game. I got an awfully strange look from the cashier as I handed my credit card. What she must have thought! An emaciated, pale young man in clothes two sizes too large was buying nothing but meat. She probably thought I had just gotten off a hunger strike.

She told me the total and my eyes nearly bulged out of my head. Meat is expensive. I need to remember to take "less food expenses" off the list of pros. I handed my card across to her and she swiped it. There was an awful awkward moment when I swore she was going to question me about all the meat. But then she told me my card had been declined.

I should have guessed that it was going to be over budget. I just bought a new wardrobe. I reached for my wallet and pulled out cash. I had two twenties. It was less than half the total. I decided to try something for the first time. I had no idea if it was going to work. I looked her right in the eye. I let my eyes bore into hers and then I said, "That will be enough." She started to argue. I stared harder and repeated the words again. She looked shocked as she put the money in the cash register.

Two minutes later, we walked out of the store. Dustin burst into a peal of laughter the instant we got outside. I was almost as amazed as him that that had worked. I was surprised the movies got so much of it right.

Back at home, we were packing the meat into the freezer when we realized it wouldn't all fit. We still had five pounds of ground chuck that wouldn't fit. I pulled the package to me and told him, "I guess a guys gotta eat."

Two hours later, Dustin had a platter full of hamburgers and I had one cold glass of cow blood.

Immortality damn well better be worth this crap.

I'm gonna go watch Interview With The Vampire. Maybe Louis and Lestat can give me a few pointers.

-Mike